Settlement Ultimatum - Pt. 1

 A: .....

But I do remember, I'm not sure but it's b/c it's gonna be the most embarrassing stuff YET I'm going to be disclosing here on my blog NEXT TO that dirty naked drawings of people on postcard stuff during kindergarten,

....But if I suspect that THERE ARE OTHERS who have masterbated to Disney cartoons back then like when they were 10 or 6, I wouldn't doubt it. I know I have when I saw that one chase scene of a 'cactus lady'.

B: ...

You have a good memory.

A: "Scoffs" Thing is nothing short of a WACK.

...Like, I already get that we're all born completely BLINDFOLDED about the reality of human history - including its EONS & ERAS that went behind before - 

and that's why most teens to even 20-somethings nowadays act like nothing but RETARDED, unless their parents were saints, I get it.

..But why does it have to be like this? I mean, whether it's biology or sociology you're talking about here.

Talk about American Feminism, yeah you could surely cheer them on and be like 'hey sis' to all the WHITE & PRIVILEGED pioneers back then - but NOT when you're going through shits and you happen to be a POC minority.

B: No comment.

....Start from the beginning, please.

A: ...

So it was back in around 2007, that we just immigrated.

..Like you know, I just went from a 은따 (minor outcast) from Haegang High, Busan, South Korea to being dropped at some remote area way up in New York.

Cuz I already had a thought like oh it'll kinda be like advanced version of Busan but different and then when I arrive, there's nothing there but just trailers. Where my stepdad's mother have lived while suffering from extreme obesity & diabetes before she passed away.

B: And then there was this one dead kid...

A: I just read that in the news that was recorded back then that I happen to find from the memorandum recently, but yeah.

B: ...Just like back in those elementary days in Korea.

..The girl who sat next to him was crying so hard, while everyone around her was saying 'his heart exploded due to shock impact' or something. Kids those days.

A: Crazy place to raise any child in, I can always tell.

B: Yeah.

But back to the subject please.

A: .....

I think it was the environment,

since at Norwich High I didn't really have to worry as much about getting bullied than I was at my previous other schools in Korea.

B: So your mother was right.

A: On that? Yeah at least partly.

Problem was me. 'Cause I was starting to show signs and was.. just acting funny. Whether it be spitting downstairs to where the workman who was named Tim came in & was working on the floor, or just not being able to stop laughing haphazardly - and that was about when I weighed at least 20 lbs more.

...At least the laughing stuff got fixed when I saw that girl with same size as my body doing the exact same thing when I was locked up in the mental health unit.

B: ...Or rejecting to go to school.

A: Oh that? That at most lasted just about 2 days or so. My parents had to drag me down to the bathtub though.

B: ......

So far I'm trying to sink it through from the bystander's manner, ...

But I think I'm getting a picture already, while I'm afraid to note that it's already grossly out of place.

A: ....

You can say that.

B: ...

So,

How the hell does the s*x stuff kicks in?

A: ..Wait before I finish, please.

I'm still not done.

B: ...You wanna explore how you were really like with boys? You know, promiscuity part?

A: That? Oh yeah.

..Not surprisingly, I had more thing to be interested in boys than being consciously concerned about building lasting friendship esp. w/ those of the same gender - I think. ..Anyway that's all I can tell.

I mean I did hear trauma can cause promiscuity in teens & children, and I actually more than halfway believe that I was that case, but -

B: There's no other way to prove it.

A: Right.

And then there were other factors esp. w/ other girls - since everyone will always come w/ different traits/aptitude on that from the way I see it with my own experience.

Like this is when I went to backpack trip through school back then when I was at Pusan American School before they closed the Hialeah base down,

but we went to Taegu/Daegu once for a overnight stay (I was in cheerleading)

So I'm trying to sleep along with everyone else when the night comes, and we actually had a sort of dim light on 'cause we were all housed inside this barrack likely & originally for military use.

So I'm trying to sleep on the top bunk, and then waay at the corner (*It was a large area) I see a leg going around silently. I'm squinting at it like wtf is that and then it just moves away.

..I don't remember correctly afterwards but I might have heard someone having it with a guy or something the next morning.

B: And then there was another one back at the school. ..Like, (was it Koreans?) this couple doing it at the gym.

A: ....

Yeah, when you don't have that trauma yourself then you can virtually cause any trouble and can get away with it.

...Believe it or not when such stuff keeps piling up and becomes a bigger problem, I guess people like that tend to dig venues like Soft White Underbelly.

It's the All-American Stuff. No pun intended.

B: So where were we again?

A: We were talking about boys and my promiscuity, ...like, when I was still in Korea & was in my early teens.

And you're asking because..

B: 'Cause I'm just curious how you went from there to saying that you wanna renounce - that is, if things worked out environment/factors-wise.

A: Oh, yeah.

..I think that has to do with me being a 1st-generation Korean, since I did get to watch some footages of actually renounced Buddhist nuns there back then when I was attending the Haegang High.

B: There it comes.

A: ....You know, when your own life is crazy and when you encounter (not directly) bunch of not only happy but STABLE people who just keeps going on with their purpose,

You kind of get to be 'bought in', mentally, so to say. It's kind of like wanting to form a certain allyship I should say. 'Cause these people won't betray & run way & leave you in the ruins like real-life people do - but do the opposite instead likely because they chose that path and have been programming/training themselves to do so for a long time.

..Unless they're as F*CKED UP as anyone else could be, that is.

Anyhow that's how I get religious people. At least from the way I know.

B: It was the 'cat nun'.

A: Right. The happy cat nun lady.

And how it was so adorable, the way she held the cat while doing the prostrations lol.