'Freewriting like Murakami Haruki'

 .....Trying to draw, run and write all 3 things at the same time - esp. w/ the type of 'schedule' I have set up for myself is by 50/50 chance gonna drive me halfway insane. I already see it forthcoming.

......

At age 32, I'm not writing a script for a 2024 version of Blade Runner material but find myself looking up Korean (formal) associations for children's book whatnot. That is on top of: Becoming evermore obsessed with timers/having worsened bruxism & TMJD altogether on the side/worrying about whether I'll be fired yet again or end up in another mental crisis from my work/somehow making my own daily goals for running certain miles per day/being evermore immersed with Buddhist practices while searching up on bunch of random topics on YouTube 24/7. And more.

I was a messy child. That's all I could remember about myself. Whether to call myself a victim or not I guess totally falls on my own territory. ... Grown up, now has interest in keywords like 'adult children under emotionally immature parent's; while driving to her work in the riskiest sense possible wearing Zenni glasses w/ a half-baked prescription by self in the middle of dark & w/ an aged EV that now has a busted back windshield of which fault is also on the driver. Wanting to do Kendo yet somehow looking up Kalari on Youtube and just following through just b/c. ...

I do remember somehow feeling pretty annoyed when I eventually learned that my classmates/colleagues back in Binghamton University not only being aware of but knowing Murakami Haruki. Either I was in that zone where I just wanted that certain figure to be something of my secret knowledge therefore making me feel that much more special about myself; or it was the New Yorkers' aura from those skinny-faced white boy & girl's who mentioned his name - of whose gentility was enough to have someone like me marked out of their social terms. ...At least I wasn't shouting out some cliche line like, 'You don't know him!' like the old ladies do in K-dramas. "laugh out loud"

...But that ain't as difficult as the brainy company-material (*paid) Science stuff done in one of those secret aerospace labs in the military base we got here, I know. ...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Settlement Ultimatum - Pt 3.: - Should I Tell Everything or Shut Up? The Reality of AFAB -

Image
 A: .... But if hypervigilance was something,  I almost get this incredible amount of frustration just coming out of ongoing level of HYPERACTIVITY alone, I think. ...Besides this new phenomenon/concern about 'lonely death', esp. including those of my age people and under. B: That's why certain people have to be controlled. A: ...... I guess, if that's the only way one could put it down to. .... Like, if I was a VERY UGLY PERSON long time ago and have caused insensible amount of damage to another person then thinking that I LOVE HIM, ...Maybe it makes that much tiny bit sense for a set of crowd to come in ready to spit in my face, right. Since anything I'd try to do to correct myself in that picture wouldn't be nothing but just plain hypocrisy. B: ... A: But say that the same thing happened again and this time I was on the receiving end, AND disturbing or not in a gender-reversed manner, ...Maybe that's the worst thing that could happen so much so living wag...
Read more

Statement Ultimatum - Pt.9: How to Treat Others like Others/How to Live a Life

Image
 A: ... I think Floridians are stupid. B: ....What? A: I mean it. They ARE. B: ............ Okay. Hopefully you don't get one of those 'lashbacks' or whatever by those types of ppl ready to expose your identity. A: I can't really care about that anymore, since I've been more than aware of where I've been I think. ....Not everyone gets to have a 'brutal' childhood to come out clean & alive, you know? .... [On Sexual Desire as it is; and Buddhism] A: I envy the chill ones now B: .. A: Good school, decent family & upbringing, no trouble during social life, respectable finance..... Lot of people don't seem to realize just how much they've gotten ...As if, the whole measurement of this empty American nest that I've been residing in so far represented the worth of my AFAB v*gina Just b/c, I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO RENT B: ... Would you stop sounding like a g*ddamn minor, please ...I thought you wanted to be on the helping side. You know,...
Read more

Statement Ultimatum - Pt. 10: Last Episode - AFAB Reality & Why I Can't Go to Japan.

Image
- Friends or Friendless? <From Sai Gon.> A: ... You know, I think, thanks to my 'Buddhist practice' all those years + My RL experiences in & out of school & work settings so far, ANGER, first of all. I do think it's true. It's like one of those 'sexual desire/instant gratification' stuffs - stuff does not last forever! It's either I forget, or they forget. And everyone just moves on, since there's LIFE. You know what I mean? B: ..But we live in a world that chases after the latter. Namely, the gratification part. A: ...I have no idea why, but I am currently envisioning you as this funny penguin-suit guy figure. B: Please be as racist & sexist as possible, you are more than allowed in this venue. A: Oh, thank you. ........ B: So you don't feel you're victimized more than you thought you were. A: You know, when it comes down to childhood experiences - whether that'd be ACE's (*Adverse Childhood Events) or childhood trauma ...
Read more