Settlement Ultimatum - Pt. 2

 [For those who have lost all their childhood innocence taken away]

...

A: ...

But I do admit I wasn't exactly too likable for that matter. ..Since, if back then girls my age were busy either building lasting friendships/self-grooming/and working on their career path "straightforwardly" like "girls" do, I was not only on the opp. end, but: Was showing signs of anorexia bulimia/was still seeking boys' validation/NEVER studied but drew cartoons/locked myself up inside my room when other kids were busy hanging out with their friends, which became a lifelong habit for me unfortunately and so on.

...Like, I stopped masturbating, ..But if I was rather the type to enjoy anime porns than delving myself w/ children's literature, I wouldn't deny.

I think friendship that my mom as an adult figure tried to "arrange" for me simply could not last for that reason. 'Cause such friends will be nice just b/c they know they're there to play the role. But they won't be real, or "organic" or "natural" as how real life friends would be, I'm afraid to tell.

...For one I could tell, castrating aggression out of pre-teens just to minimize incidents like bullying are not really the way to go to prepare them for a future adult interaction imo. Say that I put myself in the guardians' shoes since I'm already in the age to be so.

B: And that's you as an adult child.

A: Yeah.

B: But back to the subject

So it was your self-hatred, then, that led you to certain actions you're saying. Is that correct?

A: Sort of.

...I just didn't realize I could be THAT egoistic when it comes down to uh, pursuing a mate for myself and purely for selfish reasons. Which I think did hurt him to some degree, ....which by the way is NOT like what anyone could expect out of "romantic" relationship.

No..... Human beings are much more brutal than that. That's why no matter how much I insist on the level of trauma I've endured as a child, there will always be people who would try to downplay what I'm saying just b/c.

B: It's like you became the brute yourself, after being exposed to the brutes.

A: ....It's never the sweetest thing to say about your kindergarten experience, but unfortunately that was my case.

......

It's like, let's say you're the female and you're an adult and everything and there's literally a 's*xually active male' standing right behind you.

And then, he might make you aroused (I'm kinda used to it living in Florida already) and you'd be like Oh My God what had he done to me, and thing could even last for DAYS, but

B: ....Nothing lasts forever.

A: Exactly.

[Message dinged. It's the manager]

.....I actually gotta go now, but

Just to sum up & give an example: I'd say imagine a scenario portrayed in the film 'Everything about Lily Chou-Chou' by Iwai Shunji where the whole film synopsis contrasts w/ the selected background music of Debussy where there's literally rape & bullying going on among students

...Plus the fact that there has been literally GAZILLIONS of fictional outputs throughout human history on romantic relationships alone.

It's like we've ALL been trying to HOLD ON to this nonexistent/ethereal wish/fantasy as a collective or something, DESPITE the historical reality that Hitler killed Jews & EVERY OTHER NATIONS across the globe have had at least ONE war/conflict w/ their bordering neighbors at least some point throughout since apes started walking on 2 feet.

B: Well that sounds like a TON OF MESS.

A: I know.

Like, I know I've been rejecting K-Pop ever since young 'cause I was already sick & tired of their content material (besides being bullied), but

B:?

[To be continued]