Statement Ultimatum - Pt. 8: When All the Bustle of Life have Ceased Down.

 

<Reverend Pomnyun.>


.....

A: I feel like I'm in a limbo.

B: Speak to me in a way that's not too immature, please.

A: Not confident, but I'll try.

......


B: What are you scared about?


A: Uh...


Being.. 'Laughed at'? No....


Scolded? Ridiculed? Admired? Adored?



What was the word.....


B: You don't know.


A: That's what I mean, I said I FEEL as if I'm in a limbo.


B: But it's just a feeling.


A: .....




........



[Two doors and one room later]



A: Call me stupid, but


B: That no one cares?


A: No.....



...You know, if I was that one messed up criminal. I mean if I REALLY WAS, ..


<Ref.: Kurita Genzo.>


B: Then NO ONE would have listened to you, no matter what. And that's REALITY.


...Including book publishing.


A: Right. ...


.....



..What if, there were literally STRANGERS whom I've just known for DAYS
Or actually just types of people that I merely see for contractual reasons


And I already had a ill feeling about them..? ....Like what has been going on with me lately.

......Including, those 'embarrassingly stimulating fantasies in my head that lasts ONLY FOR SO LONG but GONE the moment I wake up'?

(=Keyword: TEMPORARINESS.)


.....'Cuz call me whatever - some erotomanic pink Femcel or something - but sh*t would just come and go. Just... maybe intense for a sec and then just PASS BY. NOTHING HAPPENED.

...And everything's the SAME AS USUAL. You know? The same solitude after work, the same uneasy feeling with money, the same with people's indifference, and having to nag about time........ EVERYTHING.


B: Sounds like you got a lot more going on in your head than asexuality.


A: ....


I mean, if it's COLLECTIVE issue, then that's DIFFERENT. ..Like RENOUNCING.


<...>


B: So what you're trying to describe is -


A: That I'm trying to fit in to the same society that virtually kicked me out like a d*g (And of course not my family dogs). And it's nothing but increasingly heterogenous effort as my now-Americanized gut reaction tells me.


....'Cause I really thought, since I've already been through the same sh*tty setting - having to sit behind the back of the class due to my size since kindergarten/grade school/elementary, to having to withstand a jail-like classroom setting that locks kids up until some form of violence occurs among them, ..to immigrating to find myself yet again locked up this time inside a mental health ward unit in a foreign setting - AND THEN trying to come out as an asexual/adult virgin later on (after the stalking incident or whatever) - I literally thought I was up for ANYTHING, and renouncing actually seemed like the sweet way out for someone like me w/ my upbringing history. Especially as someone who happens to be (1st gen.) Korean.

B: ..And now it's not?


A: Well.....


....For one, I know it's my remaining childhood innocence that wants more FRIENDS,


..but - 


B: ..But not being, uh, ..'toyed around' for whatever means.


A: ......Right.




..And I believe that's pretty general sentiment, you know?



...Like, 'Oops, I did wrong to someone (thru stalking +), now that's in the PAST by 10+ years or so, ..

....And I've been doing NOTHING but implement those religious practices into my life all throughout ever since,


I should be FINE by now! But reality-wise I'm still more than FAR FROM IT.


Especially w/ material assets and/or ownership. If money-wise I'm still able to earn some form of wage/paycheck.


And EVEN that's not exempt from becoming target of some form of 'public digression'; as if I was one of those hunted 'witches' in Papua New Guinea that has been going on ever since.


B: ......



['Gender Play']




A: ......It sounds a little too contemporary + Japanesy, but.



....But if having sex could actually dilute hatred among human relationships by 50% chance,

.......maybe even I would've ended up having at least a couple in my life.



....Like what the Bonobo's do, you know?



B: Maybe so, maybe not,


....Practical truth was that, 'unprotected sex =' ADHD...... No, 'STD's.'




....Sorry.




A: ............



<Let's all Root for 카광 The Korean Laughing Man.>


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