B: ...
A: ...You know, let's say I'm literally in a situation where people are trying to eat my ego & psychology out alive by keep saying things like "You're a thing/scum/pervert" even following me to my backyard. Esp. regarding the fact that I happen to be a quote & quote 'female'. And all that.
...Like if I have been engaging w/ Buddhist studies specifically for a length of time, it's likely to prepare for stuffs like that from RL. You know?
B: But fault is fault, what's done is done. The guy from the past now...
A: ..Well, at least Google says that I'm pretty much rendered harmless than the other way around.
...Like, having been beaten up by peer-age boys as of young being a girl is one thing - stuff is nothing but reenactment of what these kids likely seen of their fathers in their home, which just happen to got onto me back then. BUT...
B: You were 'acting out' w/ promiscuity afterwards - when puberty struck.
A: That's what I don't get.
Let's say there is evidence promiscuous behaviors are linked w/ trauma.
It's like a once-in-a-while chance that I get to hear that stuff presented in front of my face. And in a matter of milliseconds it's gone, and I'm back to having to deal with MY reality - being an adult child, adult VIRGIN, having no friends around, being stuck somewhere foreign, to employment issues & conflicts at the work I'm in - and ALL THAT.
B: ...At least you're NOW AWARE. ..I mean of all those... STUFFS.
....
<What would happen if Betty Boop starred in the film right beside..?>
......
B: ..So you're saying that you're sick of YOUR OWN IDIOCY. To put it direct & simply, that is. ...Like, being a little too childlike & optimistic when you are in fact aware there ARE victims (of sexual abuse et cetera) produced in society that does needs some sort of practical/constructive help/redefinition/collective/political demanding+ - AND especially if you've been nothing but an albeit "loose" target of the sorts of extensions of those types of activities.
A: ...That's a lot of words to describe one person's condition, but I guess. Pretty much.
(Too much.)
...
B: .....You know, for lack of a better reference: To borrow from Dow Janes' the venue's mentality - To be happy & pursue one's own happiness primarily in and of itself is not essentially a BAD thing. Especially in a country like the United States/America. Right?
A: ...Yeah?
B: But it BECOMES bad when one overextends over that privilege and begins to encroach upon others' rights - like what the politicians do for themselves like ANYWHERE across the globe. IT'S JUST IN HUMAN NATURE.
A: ......
(Talk about ignorance...)
..Yeah, but you don't have to beat yourself up for having that tendencies, I think. ...Especially for someone like me or who've been bullied/victimized before.
..'Cuz I can see how my TMJ condition's starting to flare up say that I intentionally imprison myself w/ that sort of guilt that should only apply to the super-rich & beyond.
...Or anybody who sabotages materials in spite of others' wellness per se. 'Cuz I feel like everyone has the at least bit of the latter's trait here , including myself nowadays. And that's like the unsaid rule right there.
(= I don't wanna be guilty, but I need Money.)
..I think it just goes w/ the saying that keeping some side of materialistic part of yourself is rather helpful (also in the US). .....Unless you were say born in a small household somewhere in Japan and your parents made you have nothing but clean food & decent life.
B: Ho-ho, look what's coming up here now.
We Ame-ricans here, remember?
A: Right.
......Well, so much to sing "I love you babe" all day long in the most American style.
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