Sotokomori Devoid of Personality (인격 없는 소토코모리): (❗️15) FTM Transgender (while being a hikikomori; self-interview).

A: ..........

B: Now that's difficult. I mean challenging.

<Reference image from Asian Boss. Link: Asian Boss - Being Transgender in Japan>


A: Hmm.

But yes, I did have seen - or picked/googled on - some of the images available for the transition process wise,

....but stuff's no joke, I think it's enough to have person like me keep being an Asexual and stay that way.

B: So, 
It's like you - or I - have to put all the past material stuff aside, I guess. Esp. in terms of how one dealt with the opp. sex.

A: I know it was a mess.

B: Alright, but anyways. Focusing on the present.


<Reference images.>

.....

B: ...So with all this process I have no idea of at this very moment,
Metoidioplasty? Or phalloplasty, as it's called - 

A: Right, it's like, you're put on a hormone first to well, "grow your clitoris (so as to make it look like a phallus/penis) -

B: Ugh.....

A: AND THEN go through the actual gender-affirming surgery where the doctor's are gonna (I guess) use a piece of your thigh skin or something TO ACTUALLY CREATE a PENIS-LOOKING, well PHALLUS so to speak. Never mind lengthening the urethra part. Now on Google Gemini it says it costs about $12,000 to go through all this, while it's not guaranteed that you won't have any other complications. As for example, "Issues with penetration" whatnot.

<....Now if that wasn't complicated enough already. ...>


A: ...Like some of the most worrisome trends/attitudes I find from this generation who opt in to go through all that - 
..One time I'm going through this Reddit? content and it's talking about head size specifically for those who wants to transition. You know, female-to-male and they sound about the age where I was in my teens. You know, 'cause with women generally - 

B: Smaller heads then males?

A: Yeah. And some of them are going on like, "Just go on the T's, nobody's gonna care": I'm like what the heck does that mean. And then on Vice tweet I've seen years ago I do remember they featured this girl who's 'microdosing' on T's as if that was like the best thing in the world, so

B: I see what you're talking about.

A: Okay, and at this point I'm like please go educate yourselves ⬇️ people 'cause I have had none of this kind of stuff pop up when I was this Hangul-speaking native girl back in my home country. And years later after I immigrate and enter my 30's, that's what I get to pick up on social media. LIKE ALL THE TIME. I'm like is that normal?


B: ...Depends, I guess.

A: Okay, so as an adult - whether I happen to be female or male - maybe you can ponder with real fancy stuffs like vitro gametogenesis. But are we really there yet is my question.

Like okay, let's say LGBTQ (and plus) share this sort of collective quality just due to the types of risks they're exposing themselves to. Is coming out as an Asexual or ACTUALLY TRANSITIONING to become an FTM trans the same thing? NO.

B: ...

A: Like, as this longtime social-shut in I can't address just how many of those INVISIBLE issues I carry around all the time with me, I can't say this enough. It doesn't matter if happened to be born Japanese/Mongolian or some indigenous person in some of the random-most places on Earth, fact was that all the science textbooks are gonna say 'human beings are social creatures' and yet I find myself exactly within that position GOING THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE ROUTE. I'd say me doing any of those transition stuff is both shooting myself in the foot and then committing suicide right afterwards. NGL.

B: Chuckle x2. I get it.

...Sorry. This is getting a little too much, I think.

Like we were just talking about Amanda from Soft White Underbelly yesterday, and now we have transferred ourselves to a completely different subject albeit in a brusque manner. At least that's what it feels like for me.
..I just wanna ask, does that by any chance stem from your mental health disposition, if I may ask?

A: ...Yeah like you can ask that. Sure. 'Cause that's the stuff I wanna ask myself too. I already know I'm not a perfect individual. So why do I have to force myself to think of such subjects or even try to publicize it, right. Or why do I have to struggle with the notion not just being a social shut-in but also being a female & not having kids at age 30? Never mind HAVING HAD ZERO FRIENDS (or longterm relationships matter of fact) ever since I could remember. That's not only depressing, I'd say that's an issue in and of itself BESIDES Gen-Z+ (who are likely younger than millennials) just going for (FTM/MTF) transition as if that was their life's motto. You know what I'm talking about?

......
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